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Trust issues...

topic posted Fri, June 16, 2006 - 4:09 PM by  LibraScorp
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I start with saying that I'm from Sweden so my grammar and spelling isn't the best but I hope you understand me anyway! :-)

I'm a Sun/Moon/Mercury Libra, all in conjunction with Pluto, and also have my rising and Venus/Mars in Scorpio. I'm very proud of being all that plutonian and having all the scorpion traits .... EXCEPT for one thing..... trusting others!

I have so hard to trust new people, especially when it comes to intimate relationships. I have an obsession to read between the lines and to seek out others "real motivations". I very often "senses" things that isn't there at all. I rather expect people to have hidden agendas and bad intentions than the opposite. When it is a more impersonal relationship I often have a good "gut feeling" that tells me how things are but as soon as there is feelings involved I lose this and only see he negative side of everything! I always have an extreme fear of being deceived and a need too controll and possess my partner. I am very jealous and suspicious. In the end it often turns out to be self-fulfilling. And I'm so tired of it! I just want to love for the beauty of loving someone! I want too feel secure and relaxed with new partners and just trust them for what they say and do. But I just can't! I'm always in my "shell" until I feel I can trust them completely and that takes time. On the way I often do various "tests" to find out if the other one is honest. This behaviour has scared away more than one partner of course.... It isn't always I do this obviously but more kinda "behind the scenes".

I'm very aware that I'm pretty complicated and that this is issues I definitly have to work with, but it is so hard! I'm in a new relationship with an Aries/scorpio with venus in pisces and Mars in Aries. He's absolutely amazing... fire and water in a nice blend. But I just can't trust him!! His straightforwardness and idealistic approach scares me a little bit! And now I'm so afraid of destroying it all with my weird fears!

Anyone else out there who recognize these feelings and has some good advices to give?
posted by:
LibraScorp
Sweden
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  • I trust people to be themselves ~ which includes all that 'bad stuff' that we Scorpios tend to see 'better' than any other sign ~ if I'm expecting a person to be someone they're not, or act in a 'different way', just because I'd *prefer* then to act better than what I know of them by association, than I'm not being fair to the other person or accepting them for who they really are & that basis needs to be established in a real friendship or the whole 'trust issue' is simply misplaced ~ I'm trusting someone who doesn't even exist ~ that's a sure way to get disappointed in relationships!

    love all-ways,
    mem
    • Unsu...
       
      Oh....I've got trust issues. I give people the benefit of the doubt though. I usually can read people best if I talk to them on the phone and hear the tone of their voices or when I meet them in person.

      I think trust takes time to build and, of course, no one is perfect, but there are just some things that stand out like sore thumbs in people that I can't ignore. I don't discard anyone, however, I merely give them more time and keep them at arms length.

      For those I've accepted in my inner circle, they're usually there to stay for life. That is....unless they severely break that trust. Then they're gone for good. I don't see that happening in my close friendships though.

      I also realize that anyone can be anyone behind a keyboard so I really deeply trust thouse who I talk to or meet. I need to know they're real and not just some name someone fabricated in their minds or a persona.



      Laura
  • I’ve come to this profound and amazing realization that has helped my “trust issues” allot. Too bad, I hadn’t grasped this revelation earlier on…it would have spared many, many hours of grief.

    Humans are perfectly~ imperfect.

    Everyone has (or has had) some kind of shit going on. I no longer have idealistic expectations in my relationships; this eliminates the need for judgment, speculation, suspicion, and ultimately… hurt. In my experience the only person that I have ever encountered who I can really count on in life to stand behind me 100%, to be 100% honest with me, and to be 100% loving and caring with me… is Myself. With this belief as my foundation, any extra wonderfulness, which I may experience from someone, is a true gift.

    Maharina
    • <<I have ever encountered who I can really count on in life to stand behind me 100%, to be 100% honest with me, and to be 100% loving and caring with me… is Myself>>

      very true! well said.....and other people who feel the same way about themselves are people i want in my life in the end.....
  • Nat
    Nat
    offline 0
    I have a close friend of over a decade who is a scorpio and he is - bar none - (that means "absolutely") the MOST suspicious person I have ever known. He is very quiet and just "observes", and you always have that feeling that he isn't missing a thing...he's taking it ALL in...and he's judging you for it.

    I am a Pisces, ridiculously trusting, and generally, as honest as the day is long (though I have my issues too, I try desperately not to hurt others). I now know that we are such good friends after all these years because I have been "approved" and "admitted" into the "inner circle"! When I look back, I can see certain circumstances where I believe I was being "tested"....I guess I passed. I think I always knew he needed to REALLY know and trust someone before getting close to them. Had I not been so attuned to this, it definitely would have felt "offensive", cold, aloof, calculating and, well, like I was never trusted and always "under suspicion", and you're right, not many people like to feel this way! I always wanted to make that extra effort to "win him over" and "prove I was worth his trust", but I am a pisces and have a need to make people feel happy and loved. It was uncomfortable feeling "guilty until proven innocent", but I guess I felt he was worth the time and effort to earn his trust.

    For those who may not have the patience for this...

    For what it's worth...my advice to you is to be upfront and honest about this particular trait you have and fear. Something like "I really like you...so I'd like to share something about myself with you... I have this bad habit.... I'm suspicious and have a hard time trusting people. I don't know where it comes from and I think I often scare people off with this. I'm sorry. I don't want to do this with you! My fears become a self fullfilling prophecy and I don't want that to happen with you! I'll try to stay on top of this issue. Can you let me know if I'm doing ok?" Now, don't you just sound sweet? If he's a decent human being, his guard will immediately come down, he will feel empathetic and best of all, you're starting things off with clear, open and honest COMMUNICATION!

    First of all, this makes you appear to be really self aware, open, caring and concerned over his feelings and how this trait you are worried about might screw things up. If he's a nice guy, this should bring out the caring and compassionate person in him ..."Wow, she's really opening up and sharing her deepest thoughts with me, I'll make an extra effort to earn her trust and make her feel secure".

    For your comfort, this may also serve to softly (and covertly) give him the heads up that you're on guard for any asshole behavior. Maybe that will provide you with a little bit of feeling in control (just an illusion, because in the end, you are the only person you can control). This doesn't require you to go cold turkey (to quit immediately) on your suspicious nature, which you might find impossible to change over night, but it will put it out on the table so any behavior that may seem questionable can be explained ("I told you I was suspicious, sorry!") and more importantly, addressed up front ("You're acting like you don't trust me again...what can I do to make you feel better about this? What am I doing that is making you feel insecure?")

    Hope this helps. Good luck!
    • Nat ~

      your advice is on target for a Pisces ~ I's advise any Pisces with trust issues (as you pointed out, this is not really a big problem in the Pisces world) ~ but I just can't take it seriously, as a Scorpio ~ I know you meant well tho

      love all-ways,
      mem
      • Nat
        Nat
        offline 0
        LOL! But, Scorpio, I'm telling you a secret...I thought you liked those...this is how we Pisces melt everyone in our path, with our kind, gentle, warm, trusting ways... including ALL of the Scorpios in my life, of which I am surrounded by many. Why would you want to continue to endure the excrutiating pain and hold on to all that hurt and fear and resentment (pisces can feel your pain, we know how bad it hurts) when there is such a better way? :) And, I've learned a lot about holding back a little from my dear Scorp's!

        peace and kindness-
        Nat
      • Nat
        Nat
        offline 0
        My first boss had an old saying that I thought was brilliant....

        "You catch more Bees with honey than you do with vinegar"
        • Bo
          Bo
          offline 14
          (scratches stomach)

          Being the baby water sign, I need to replenish my loins regularly...

          (gulp) (gulp) (gulp)

          (staring)

          Did you observe that the prettiest thing in the world next to a rose is

          a glass of cold milk?

          (staring)



          • yuck!! can't stand milk (or eggs) by itself ~ it is only an ingredient in other dishes... not to be consumed 'plain' ~ eggs are a 'binding substance', like glue & I was never one to eat paste....

            but you are not the only Cancer I know with these strange desires!

            love all-ways,
            mem
  • Bo
    Bo
    offline 14
    "I have so hard to trust new people"

    I noticed this with scorps, I have a garage full of broken axes flung at me.


    Your humble crab,

    Bo
  • Oooh I have such the issues with trust... trust should be a four letter word and that word is FEAR... or HURT... or PAIN... I've found that the only way that I trust is for the other person to be consistant over time... which means that when someone acts in a way that is inconsistant with previous behavior I ask them about it... and if they don't own the behavior or are unaware of the inconsistancy then they move to the outer circle... I just don't have the time or energy for flaky behavior...

    My best friends are Pises, Cancer and Leo... all of them... don't quite know why but that is the way it goes... I have good working relationships with fire signs, Sags and Aries and have dated an Aries and quite a few Geminis but never do so again... why because I end up feeling so frustrated when I look for consistant behavior over time... I just chalk it up to being what I need in my life to feel comfortable and don't worry a lot about it...

    I'd say concentrate on how it feels when you do trust someone... look at how they behave that triggers feeling of calm and safety and belonging and then hang out more with people who do those same things...

    I figure there are enough people in the world that don't raise my hackles, why bother trying to let the ones that do get close to me...

    Mel (scorpio sun, moon in gemini, virgo rising)

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